and will joe biden run into a glass door? then, a family activity gets a modern update. kids, if you don't stop fighting, this google car will turn itself around. and my guest, emily matchar says women are embracing traditional home making activities like canning and knitting. i'll join in the fun by working a 12-hour day and then having a massive coronary. simon cowell has reportedly impregnated his friend's wife. that is shocking. simon cowell has a friend. this is the colbert report. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) welcome to the report. good to have you with us, thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] >> stephen, stephen, stephen, stephen! [ cheers and applause ] >> stephen: welcome to the report. folks, i always try to keep a level head. you know i for one always try to keep a level head but even i am enraged by this bradley manning trial. first of all, that he had a trial. those prisoners in gitmo must be dying to know how he wrangled that sweet deal. you may remember bradley manning as the wikileaker who rel